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7 Ways to Soothe your Shyness
Shy people instinctively know that they are missing out. Shyness equals lost opportunities, less pleasure and fewer social connections. Shyness can be crippling but there are tried and tested ways to make it a thing of the past.
When I was fifteen I was shy. I recall an attractive girl attempting to engage me in conversation. My shyness made me focus on me instead of her. I heard my own voice but not hers and I thought about what I was trying to say instead of what she was trying to say.
The formula for shyness is “too much focus on the self” plus anxiety. To make it even more unpleasant, sometimes when you are feeling shy you experience physical sensations which ‘hijack’ your calm logical self.
My pulse raced, my mouth dried up and I felt like the village idiot! I couldn’t think what to say so I said nothing apart from making barely audible grunting noises! Cary Grant eat your heart out! When I detected pity in her eyes (or was it contempt, or boredom) I mumbled my excuse and got out of there. I hated being shy and was determined to change it.
How shyness is developed and maintained
Shyness really is a combination of social anxiety and social conditioning. To overcome shyness you need to learn to relax socially. This enables you to direct your attention away from yourself and gives you the space to practice certain conversational skills. In most cases, the heightened emotions of socializing when young simply condition the sufferer to respond to social events with fear, instead of excitement and pleasure.
Relaxed socializing is so pleasurable, not to say productive, but it is an advantage denied to many until they learn to relax. To start reducing your own shyness, I want you to absorb the following tips and ideas and start to put them into practice:
1) Think about the way you feel and behave around familiar people you are comfortable and spontaneous around. It’s that feeling transferred to new people and situations that equates to your emerging social confidence.
2) Focus your attention away from yourself. Sure, you can think a little bit about how you
are coming across, but if all your focus is on your own words and feelings then you might as well be by yourself. Notice what other people are wearing and make a mental note, listen to their conversation, imagine where they might live, make a point of remembering names. Not only does this give you more to talk about, it also ‘dilutes’ social anxiety leaving you feeling calmer.
3) Ask people open questions. Many people like to talk about themselves and will find you interesting if you find them interesting. Ask questions that require more than a ‘yes’/’no’ response such as ‘What do you like about this place?’ rather than: ‘Do you like this place?’ Once they’ve answered use ‘add-on’ questions connected to the first such as: ‘What other places do you like in this city.?’ Next you can express your views. This is a great way to get the conversation going. If the conversation doesn’t ‘take’ then no matter, you’ve done your bit.
4) Stop trusting your imagination so much! Have you ever had an imaginary picture in your mind of a holiday destination only to arrive and find the reality is different from the way you had imagined? That’s how reliable imagination is. Stop imagining what others think. I do lots of public speaking and I’ve long since stopped trying to second guess what others think of me – it’s just too painful. Besides, what a person thinks about you has a lot more to do with who they are than who you are.
5) Stop using ‘all or nothing’ thinking. The ‘completely this/completely that’ style of thought occurs when you are emotional. People who are depressed, angry or anxious see reality in terms of differing extremes, simplistic all or nothing terms. An angry person is ‘right’ and you are ‘wrong’; the depressed person feels like a ‘failure’ while others are a ‘success’. In reality, life is composed of infinite gray areas. So stop fearing that you might say the ‘wrong’ thing! Or that people will ‘hate’ you. Once you start to relax more socially you’ll notice much less black or white thinking because anxiety actually causes you to think in all or nothing terms.
6) Take your time. You don’t have to blurt things out. Ask questions and if questions are asked of you can take time to consider your response (within reason). Don’t just blurt out what you think might be the ‘right’ answer. A slow answer is a relaxed answer.
7) Finally, use hypnotic rehearsal. Hypnosis is the quickest way to change your instinctive/emotional response to any situation. Only think about meeting others when your mind and body is relaxed. This conditions you to associate relaxation with being around new people. In fact you’ll find that when you relax deeply enough often enough whilst hypnotically rehearsing being comfortable around others you’ll reach the point where you just can’t be shy any more! This is what I call a ‘happy inability!’
I now love meeting new people and suspect that my current social confidence would be unrecognizable to my fifteen year old self.
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How to hypnotize your audience
5 hypnotic techniques to enrapture your listeners
The first thing any good hypnosis trainer will tell you is that to be an effective hypnotist, you need to be confident. That way you inspire confidence in your subject and they are free to relax with you.
The same is true if you want to hypnotize your audience when presenting. First, you need to inspire confidence in them, and to do that you need to be free of anxiety.
And when I talk about hypnotizing your audience, please forget the clichés of watch swinging, cluck-like-a-chicken merchants. I’m talking about the hypnosis of life.
Help your audience leave the room
When you hypnotize someone you get them to “leave the room” as they “travel” along your narrative within their mind.
You achieve this by focusing their attention so intently that your words start to have a real effect on their experience – both conscious and unconscious. A skilled hypnotist can help you change the workings of your immune system or blood flow with their words. Think what effect you could have on an audience you are looking to influence.
So why do I talk about “hypnosis” when describing the effect a great presenter has?
Hypnosis and the art of presenting
Hypnosis involves:
- Narrowed Focus
- Disassociation
- Learning
Any presenter will agree that you want to be compelling enough to focus your audience on what you are saying. You want them disassociated from their environment and concerns so that they travel with you to other times, places and possibilities. And you want them to adopt, at least for a while, new ways of seeing reality.
Hypnosis in therapy is so powerful because it helps people learn new ways of responding to life so that low confidence, phobias or addictions no longer trip them up. When you present powerfully you focus your audience’s attention so narrowly that the nature of their learning becomes hypnotic rather than merely conscious. This kind of learning feels a lot more profound for people. But there are different kinds of audience trances..
Avoiding the boredom trance
If you are uninspiring then your audience may certainly psychologically “leave the room” not by following your ideas but as an attempt to escape your talk. They might start to imagine what they’ll do later, what they’ll cook for dinner, or their upcoming social arrangements. They are disassociated but not in the way we want them to be. There are specific techniques to compel your audiences in just the right way.
Crowd hypnosis
The greatest public presenters will captivate audiences with their words and gestures. They’ll use expectation, language, story-telling and “future pacing” which means they’ll implant ideas for their listeners to act upon in future. This is all hypnotic. Hypnotic speakers don’t just give the facts they will give their listeners an experience that will change the way they feel, think or behave. Hypnotic presenting appeals to the part of the mind that the greatest pieces of poetry or music do. In fact truly world beating public talks have a real rhythm.
The poetry of presenting
The best speeches like the best hypnotic inductions have a kind of trance rhyme to them which draws you in and makes you forget anything other than the speech. Listen to Sir Winston Churchill on YouTube
He uses repetition, emotive words, he paints a picture of a positive future beyond current hard times but he doesn’t lie to his listeners by pretending things are going to be easy. He connects what is important to his listeners, he evokes strong images. And like the language of storytelling or even epic myth he talks about avoiding an oncoming “Dark age” by fierce, proud, brave and collective struggle.
In some of Churchill’s speeches his language is almost confusing which is a favourite hypnotic technique too as it”ties up the conscious mind” and appeals more directly to the unconscious which absorbs it often before the conscious mind has untangled it : “Never was so much owed by so many to so few.” He says when talking about the heavily outnumbered RAF men who fought the famous Battle of Britain. We know what he means without following the logical thread of the statement.
If you want to be more hypnotic to captivate the attention of your audience then you might like to put these following tips into action (which are expanded in the new 10 steps to powerful public speaking course)
- Pepper your speech with words that appeal to feelings.
Words that people have to “go inwards” to connect their personal meaning with are called nominalisations and they are hypnotic. These are words like: “Powerful, beautiful, love, wisdom, strength”…and so on. Make sure these kinds of words fit with what you are saying but they will produce more of a response than more “concrete” type words. - Paint pictures in your listeners’ minds by overlapping their senses.
When we hypnotize someone we are seeking to give them a dream-like experience. And of course we dream in pictures, but also sounds, sensations, tastes, and emotions. If you are telling a story in your speech about something that happened to you tell them what you saw, felt, heard, tasted and so forth. This makes it so much more evocative. “I went to the mall and saw a fight” doesn’t draw you as much as: “I was heaving a heavy shopping bag through the mall when I heard a sickening scream, I turned and saw two huge guys trying to mug an old lady who karate kicked them to kingdom come – you could almost smell their fear…!” Be descriptive. Which reminds me… - Tell stories. Even if you are delivering a speech about molecular biology there are stories to be told – tell them engrossingly.
- Use your voice to fascinate. Sometimes speed up and sometimes slow…down… a bit. Not all the time or else you will annoy but think about the importance and relevance of your words. When it’s a point you feel is important, slow down a bit and occasionally you can even talk the calm, slow delivery of a real hypnotist.
- Use unexpectedness. We go into hypnotic trance when we relax but also when we are startled, surprised or even shocked. Great speakers use humor because it can be hypnotic. Humor surprises you – a punch line has a “punch” because it causes surprise. Hypnotists (especially of the stage show variety) will often use “shock “to fast track subjects into hypnotic trance, so be a little surprising here and there to keep your audience focused, then refocused. This technique when presenting is startlingly powerful.
In the end, it’s all about the emotion
Study the effect communication has on people. Just the bits of sound we call “words.” It can make them angry, weep, be prepared to go into battle and change their life infinitely for the better. Words don’t have to be “just words.” Hypnotise your audience to help them feel something real when you speak.
Martial arts – gain heightened awareness and get the edge
Erectile Dysfunction is nothing to be ashamed about.
Erectile Dysfunction is nothing to be ashamed about.
Let hypnosis drive success habits deep into your unconscious mind
Mark Tyrrell, Co-founder of Hypnosis Downloads
“I’ve distilled all I’ve learned about success from hundreds of clients
and my own journey from working 3 minimum wage jobs to being a 7 figure
business owner. Now I can work when I want, where I want. Here’s my
story…”
I’ve been poor.
I’ve worked every hour God sent, just to stop from getting more in debt.
I’ve craved more time with my children while knowing I couldn’t afford the
time off work.
I’ve worked tough jobs: factory work, social care, call centers, even a
psychiatric hospital.
I’ve made the same mistakes as everyone else when it comes to money and
being successful.
Now, although I run a 7 figure business, I’ll never forget those days. But I
can look back and see precisely what changed to turn me from a minimum wage
slave into a ‘work when I want’ lifestyle business owner.
And during that time, hundreds of people have told me what held them back
too.
Now I want to share that with you.
Because the thing is, I’m no different to the guy who once washed floors for
a living, apart from a few key changes in mindset.
And those changes made all the difference.
The hidden beliefs that were blocking my success
One thing I used to believe was “if you work hard, success will come”…
Well I was working hard, believe me. But all that came was tiredness and hardly
enough money to keep my family afloat.
But, as I started to see clients as a hypnotherapist, I met one person after
another who had the same beliefs, and was stuck in the same situation.
Let hypnosis drive success habits deep into your unconscious mind
Mark Tyrrell, Co-founder of Hypnosis Downloads
“I’ve distilled all I’ve learned about success from hundreds of clients
and my own journey from working 3 minimum wage jobs to being a 7 figure
business owner. Now I can work when I want, where I want. Here’s my
story…”
I’ve been poor.
I’ve worked every hour God sent, just to stop from getting more in debt.
I’ve craved more time with my children while knowing I couldn’t afford the
time off work.
I’ve worked tough jobs: factory work, social care, call centers, even a
psychiatric hospital.
I’ve made the same mistakes as everyone else when it comes to money and
being successful.
Now, although I run a 7 figure business, I’ll never forget those days. But I
can look back and see precisely what changed to turn me from a minimum wage
slave into a ‘work when I want’ lifestyle business owner.
And during that time, hundreds of people have told me what held them back
too.
Now I want to share that with you.
Because the thing is, I’m no different to the guy who once washed floors for
a living, apart from a few key changes in mindset.
And those changes made all the difference.
The hidden beliefs that were blocking my success
One thing I used to believe was “if you work hard, success will come”…
Well I was working hard, believe me. But all that came was tiredness and hardly
enough money to keep my family afloat.
But, as I started to see clients as a hypnotherapist, I met one person after
another who had the same beliefs, and was stuck in the same situation.
How to relax and flirt with confidence
Take the pressure off with hypnosis
Is a lack of flirting confidence holding you back from connecting?
Do you want to get a little closer to someone, but you’re too scared to open your mouth?
It’s tough, isn’t it? There she is. There he is. You feel that spark
of attraction, of interest. It might be their eyes. It might be their
smile. Maybe it’s just the way they’re standing. Wouldn’t it be great to
just send them a little signal that you’ve noticed them, that you like
them, that you’d like to talk, just to see if any answering signal comes
back?
But something holds you back. Shyness, awkwardness, not knowing what to say or do, fear of rejection, fear of upsetting someone.
And the moment passes.
Getting over the block on your flirting confidence
Other people seem to get flirting without a care in the world.
There they are, chatting and giggling away, giving each other the eye,
enjoying themselves at this age-old dating game. Why not you?
Well, you may be surprised to learn that whatever is getting in the way, it is not your capacity for flirtatiousness!
You, like every other human being on the planet, have inherited the
blueprint for flirting in your DNA. Lots of things – upbringing, social
constraints, beliefs, bad experiences – can get in the way of using that blueprint, but you can be sure it’s there. You too can flirt.
Where to start?
Hypnosis can help you quickly build flirting confidence – and skill
Flirt with confidence is an audio hypnosis session that will
completely transform your confidence in yourself when you want to make
that first playful connection with someone.
As you relax and listen repeatedly to your download, you’ll notice that you
-
feel amazingly more relaxed about life in general (not just chatting people up!)
-
begin to have a much wider view of what flirting is all about
-
inwardly absorb and act on those hypnotic suggestions that are most helpful to you personally
-
discover how to adjust your approach to meet the needs of any situation
-
stop worrying about ‘success’ or ‘failure’ and allow yourself to enjoy the process
-
have so much more fun!