Is Negative Self Hypnosis Ruining Your Life?

November 7, 2024 by growthifymebj

How to free yourself from negative hypnotic states that make you anxious, angry, or afraid

Negative self hypnosis is a powerful force that, though often overlooked, can have a profound impact on our lives. This phenomenon involves deeply ingrained…

“It’s going to be terrible!”

Silent, invisible ripples of tension seemed to pulse through the room. Kelly’s obvious unease was beginning to make me feel a bit jumpy myself.

“I keep thinking about next Wednesday,” she told me. “Every morning I wake up and it’s on my mind, and I feel sick to my stomach.” So what was happening next Wednesday? She almost seemed not to want to tell me. But eventually she came out with it.

Kelly had to undergo an MRI scan. She’d have to lie down in the enclosed space within the scanner for as long as 50 minutes. Now, it was just a routine check, and she wasn’t worried about her health – just the experience of being, as she put it, “totally out of control”. As we started to move on to talking about what we could do about it, she said something that made me think.

“I’ve never been hypnotized before.” Her eyes met mine for the first time, and I could tell she believed what she was saying. But I knew better.

Kelly assumed she’d never been hypnotized before. But she most definitely had.

Hypnosis is all around

We’ve all been hypnotized, whether we believe it or not. That’s because hypnosis is not an unnatural or artificial state of being. It’s central to what it means to be human.

If this were not the case then no hypnotist could ever induce hypnosis in another human being without the aid of drugs or direct electrical brain stimulation (not tools I keep in my kit!). When we hypnotize another person we are simply tapping into a natural psychophysiological human capacity.

Hypnosis happens all the time. It happens in the absence of a hypnotist. It happens unintentionally and unknowingly. It happens throughout our entire life, from our earliest days – not just in the presence of someone with certificates lining their practice walls, or on a stage for the amusement of a crowd. It happens to me, and it happens to you. It’s probably even happened to you today.

If all this sounds a bit baffling, there’s something you need to know.

Whenever we focus our attention inward, such as during daydreaming or worrying (which is really just a form of daydreaming), we enter trance. And trance states condition our emotional responses.

This happens whenever we learn something new. It happens when we know we are learning, but also when we don’t. It’s the kind of learning that conditions you to link a product with a musical jingle, or to fear insects, or to salivate upon simply hearing the word ‘chocolate’. It isn’t conscious. It isn’t intentional.

But is it a problem?

Well, not always. Much of this naturally hypnotic non-conscious learning is useful. But some of this emotional conditioning – as occurs in addiction, phobias, and post-traumatic stress disorder – can blight our lives. These are some more extreme examples of the potential adverse effects of emotional conditioning. But here I want to look at how we all inadvertently,and often repeatedly, misuse the imagination.

So often when we talk about ‘imagination’ we assume we are talking about something benign. A positive force of creativity. We hope our children will be imaginative, and we admire people who are creative. This can be great. But it can also cause problems when it proceeds unchecked.

Nightmares and the horrific flashbacks of PTSD are both processed through the imagination. So too the hopeless expectations of depression and the self-torturous inner scenarios of the sickeningly insecure and the chronically jealous.

We might not always think of chronic worrying or the painful ruminations of depression as products of the imagination, because they seem to happen to us, not by us. But they are produced by the same inner processes as daydreaming and story making.

To understand this is to see that, while imagination as a human tool has the potential to be used constructively to create positive changes in the world, it can also be misused – with sometimes disastrous consequences.

The dark side of your imagination

We dream at night during a phase of sleep known as rapid eye movement (REM), in which the eyeballs can be seen flicking from side to side beneath the closed lids. Hypnosis, a state in which both beneficial and negative conditioning can take place, has many similarities to the REM state. It seems we can enter REM not just when we are asleep, but also in states of relaxed hypnotherapy – and even when we are shocked, surprised, daydreaming, or worrying!

But there’s another kind of negative self-hypnosis that people often do. I’ve done it myself. Kelly was certainly doing it. And maybe you do it too.

A guide to terrifying yourself

Most people have heard the story of the ‘classical conditioning‘ of Pavlov’s dogs. Feed a dog while sounding a bell enough times and pretty soon it will salivate when you sound the bell, even if you don’t give it food.

The same principle applies to negative self-hypnosis. Let me show you what I mean.

Okay, so imagine (but not too vividly!) public speaking, or a dental visit, or some other event has made you feel really scared in the past. Or, if you’re yet to be in such a situation – one that makes you doubt your capacity to manage such an experience without feeling terrified – just say the event is next Wednesday as it was for Kelly. If you want to train yourself to feel scared in that situation, here’s what you do:

Imagine yourself in that future situation.
As you imagine the situation, feel tense and scared, even though it’s only an imagined situation. When you imagine something while feeling an emotion, your unconscious mind will build an association between that feeling and that situation. This is known as hypnotic rehearsal.
Repeat this 10 to 30 times before you actually go into the situation.

Kelly had been doing this negative preparation for next Wednesday par excellence.

She described to me how she’d be innocently going about her business when suddenly she’d remember about the scan. “I feel sick and really shaky every time I think about it…” she said timidly.

No wonder! When you repeatedly imagine something, anything, while feeling an emotion – in this case, fear – then your unconscious mind starts to feel that fear is the required response to that situation. When you then go into that situation, it’s as if your unconscious mind is saying: “Hey, we’ve prepared and rehearsed for this. I know what to do. I’ll bring on the fear!” And that’s exactly how I explained negative self-hypnosis to Kelly.

“Like Pavlov’s dogs!” she replied brightly.

She was dead on. This is indeed a form of classical conditioning, but done via the imagination.

So how can this negative self-hypnotic conditioning be overcome?

Turn harm into help

First of all, we need to work out whether the negative associations have arisen from the effects of the past. I helped Kelly deal with two unpleasant memories of having previously been inside a MRI scanner, and pretty soon she could recall those times while feeling calm and relaxed.

But we still had to deal with her habit of imagining next Wednesday as a horrific torment. And that’s the next step: to turn negative hypnotic rehearsal into good mental preparation.

I relaxed Kelly deeply and got her to access times when she had felt relaxed, confident and happy. I helped her build those feelings up then practise calling them forth until it came easily.

I then had her imagine observing herself going for her MRI scan the next Wednesday as though she were seeing herself in a movie. She was to see herself looking calm and relaxed with all her resourceful feelings. Asking someone to recall or imagine an event from a third-person perspective seems to diminish strong emotion very fast. We did this over a focused period of 20 minutes to really begin to shift the old fearful association.

I also used hypnotic time distortion with Kelly so she could experience ‘time flying’ – so that 50 minutes could seem like 5 minutes.

Finally, I suggested that she could use self-hypnosis while actually in the MRI scanner to be “anywhere in the world she wanted to be”. I suggested that we can all transcend the limitations of our situation whenever we strongly imagine being elsewhere.

On a physical level Kelly would be in the scanner, but on a psychological level she could be at home in her beautiful garden planting seeds and pruning rose bushes. For another example of this kind of transcendence, check out tip five in this blog post.

To further strengthen Kelly’s new association with the situation, I gave her the following homework. I asked her to:

Recognise when she was using negative self-hypnosis, and STOP! We need to know what we are doing before we can control it.
Only think about next Wednesday when she was physiologically relaxed: deeply calm in the bath, doing 7/11 breathing, or whatever it might be. Whatever you imagine while feeling calm will begin to be tagged as a non-threatening, even inherently comfortable situation by your unconscious mind.

Hypnosis is neither good nor bad. It’s a tool,and as such can be used or misused.

Kelly had been misusing her hypnotic capacity to scare herself and negatively rehearse a future event. And she hadn’t even known she was doing it, because it felt so natural.

I simply taught her to take the reins of this oh-so-powerful natural tool, and use it to help, not harm, herself.

When next Wednesday had become last Wednesday, I saw Kelly again. She reported that after our last session she’d almost started to look forward to the scan! For 10 minutes a day, she had practised feeling calm while thinking about it. Pretty soon, she said, she forgot to think about it at all.

“So what was the actual scan like?” I asked her.

Her eyes twinkled. “I don’t really know,” she replied. “I was in the garden pruning the rose bushes most of the time!”

Is Negative Self-Hypnosis Ruining Your Life?

Negative self-hypnosis is a powerful force that, though often overlooked, can have a profound impact on our lives. This phenomenon involves deeply ingrained patterns of self-talk and beliefs that continuously reinforce harmful thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. These patterns often operate on a subconscious level, which can make them difficult to identify and even harder to change. Understanding how negative self-hypnosis works and its effects is essential for anyone looking to break free from the chains of self-limiting beliefs and regain control over their life.

What is Negative Self-Hypnosis?

Negative self-hypnosis is the process of unintentionally programming oneself with negative beliefs and thought patterns. This occurs when we repeatedly tell ourselves harmful things, often without realizing it. Statements such as “I’m not good enough,” “I’ll never succeed,” or “I’m not capable of handling this” become deeply embedded in our subconscious, shaping our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

Unlike traditional hypnosis, where a hypnotist guides a person into a suggestible state to instill positive affirmations, negative self-hypnosis is self-inflicted. It stems from internal dialogue and can be reinforced by past experiences, societal expectations, and self-criticism. Over time, these negative affirmations become automatic responses that affect various aspects of life, from personal relationships to professional performance.

How Does Negative Self-Hypnosis Take Hold?

Negative self-hypnosis often begins in childhood or adolescence, when individuals are most susceptible to external influences. Experiences with family, friends, school, or society can plant the seeds of self-doubt, which grow over time. Critical remarks, comparisons, and societal pressures can be internalized, leading individuals to adopt negative self-beliefs. As adults, these beliefs may persist, unconsciously influencing thoughts and actions.

This process is similar to traditional hypnosis but occurs without conscious intention. Every time we mentally repeat a negative thought, we reinforce it, further embedding it into our subconscious mind. The result? Our minds accept these thoughts as truths, making them challenging to dispel.

Signs That Negative Self-Hypnosis is Affecting Your Life

Recognizing the signs of negative self-hypnosis is the first step toward overcoming it. Here are some indicators:

Persistent Self-Doubt: Do you frequently doubt your abilities, even when there’s no rational reason to? Self-doubt often arises from negative self-hypnosis, convincing us that we aren’t capable or competent.
Perfectionism: Are you constantly striving for perfection and never satisfied with your achievements? Perfectionism is often rooted in a belief that anything less than perfect is a failure, a common product of negative self-hypnosis.
Fear of Failure: If the fear of failure is so overwhelming that it prevents you from taking risks or trying new things, it may be due to negative self-hypnosis that keeps reinforcing thoughts of inadequacy.
Self-Sabotage: Do you tend to sabotage your own success, perhaps by procrastinating, missing deadlines, or giving up on goals? This behavior is often a result of self-imposed limitations from negative self-hypnosis.
Low Self-Esteem: Do you feel unworthy of love, respect, or success? Negative self-hypnosis can lead to feelings of unworthiness, eroding self-esteem and self-worth.

The Effects of Negative Self-Hypnosis on Daily Life

The impact of negative self-hypnosis can extend far beyond self-perception. It can influence decisions, behavior, relationships, and even physical health. Below are some common ways negative self-hypnosis may affect daily life:

1. Limiting Beliefs and Missed Opportunities

People affected by negative self-hypnosis often hesitate to pursue opportunities or take risks. For instance, someone may pass up a job promotion or avoid starting a new relationship due to underlying beliefs of inadequacy. This mindset creates a cycle where missed opportunities reinforce the idea that they’re not capable, which can lead to further self-doubt and hesitation.

2. Strained Relationships

Negative self-hypnosis can impact relationships as well. When a person feels unworthy of love or respect, they may inadvertently push others away or tolerate unhealthy dynamics. Negative beliefs about oneself often translate into poor communication, insecurity, or a need for constant validation, which can strain personal connections.

3. Increased Anxiety and Stress

Those suffering from negative self-hypnosis may find themselves living in a constant state of anxiety and stress. The fear of failure, rejection, or being judged can lead to overthinking and hypervigilance. This emotional state exhausts the mind and body, leading to burnout and mental fatigue.

4. Decline in Physical Health

The mind and body are interconnected, and chronic negative thoughts can take a toll on physical health. Studies show that stress and negative self-talk can contribute to various health issues, including high blood pressure, weakened immune function, and even chronic illnesses. As self-imposed limitations pile up, they create a feedback loop that perpetuates both mental and physical health challenges.

Breaking Free: How to Overcome Negative Self-Hypnosis

Fortunately, it is possible to break free from negative self-hypnosis. This process involves cultivating self-awareness, replacing negative thoughts with positive affirmations, and developing a more constructive relationship with oneself.

1. Recognize and Challenge Negative Thoughts

The first step to overcoming negative self-hypnosis is to become aware of the negative thoughts that you tell yourself. When you catch yourself thinking, “I’m not good enough,” challenge this thought by asking, “Is this really true?” or “What evidence do I have for this belief?” Recognizing these thoughts can help weaken their hold over you.

2. Practice Positive Self-Hypnosis

Positive self-hypnosis is a powerful tool that involves creating affirmations to replace negative beliefs. Repeatedly telling yourself positive statements, such as “I am capable” or “I am worthy,” can help reprogram your mind. Practice these affirmations daily, preferably when you’re relaxed or just waking up, as these are times when the mind is most receptive to new ideas.

3. Visualization Techniques

Visualization can be an effective way to counter negative self-hypnosis. Picture yourself achieving your goals, overcoming obstacles, or handling challenges with confidence. Visualizing positive outcomes helps train the mind to expect success, creating a sense of confidence that counters self-doubt.

4. Seek Support from a Therapist or Coach

Sometimes, the hold of negative self-hypnosis is too strong to break on our own. Seeking support from a mental health professional or a life coach can provide the guidance needed to overcome deeply embedded beliefs. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and other therapeutic techniques can help address and modify negative thought patterns effectively.

5. Practice Mindfulness and Meditation

Mindfulness and meditation can create space between yourself and your thoughts, allowing you to observe negative self-talk without getting caught up in it. Regular practice can help you become more aware of your inner dialogue and gradually change how you respond to negative thoughts.

Preventing Negative Self-Hypnosis from Re-Entering Your Life

Overcoming negative self-hypnosis is a continuous process. Once you’ve worked through your self-limiting beliefs, it’s crucial to build habits that prevent them from re-entering your life. Here are some strategies:

Daily Affirmations: Reinforce positive beliefs with daily affirmations that support your goals and self-image.
Set Achievable Goals: Break down large goals into smaller, achievable steps to avoid overwhelming yourself and to keep a positive momentum.
Surround Yourself with Positivity: Spend time with people who uplift and support you, as this can help create a positive mental environment.
Celebrate Successes: Acknowledge and celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small. This will help reinforce a positive self-image and reduce the likelihood of reverting to negative self-hypnosis.

By following these steps, you can break free from the cycle of negative self-hypnosis and foster a life filled with self-belief, confidence, and resilience.

Agoraphobia: Understanding Its Causes and Cure

October 30, 2024 by growthifymebj

Agoraphobia is a type of anxiety disorder where an individual feels intense fear of situations or places they perceive as dangerous or difficult to escape. This often includes open spaces, crowded areas, public transport, or even leaving one’s home. While it is often misunderstood as a fear of open spaces, the root cause of agoraphobia is usually the fear of having a panic attack or feeling helpless in a place where immediate help might not be available. This condition can significantly affect a person’s daily life, but with the right approach, it is manageable and treatable.

What is Agoraphobia?

Agoraphobia is a complex disorder that makes people avoid environments where they feel unsafe. These spaces can vary depending on the individual, but they often include places where escape seems difficult or help is not readily accessible. For some, it might be the fear of being in a shopping mall, a bus, or an airplane, while others may avoid simple activities like walking down the street or being in a park. The fear becomes so overwhelming that it can lead to social isolation, where individuals stay confined within their homes to avoid triggering situations.

Causes of Agoraphobia

Agoraphobia develops from a combination of genetic, psychological, and environmental factors. It can often begin after an individual has experienced panic attacks or other forms of anxiety. Let’s explore the common causes:

1. Panic Disorder

A significant percentage of those with agoraphobia also suffer from panic disorder. Panic disorder involves recurrent panic attacks, which are sudden bouts of intense fear accompanied by physical symptoms like a racing heart, shortness of breath, or dizziness. After experiencing one or more panic attacks, the person may start to avoid certain places or situations where they fear another attack might occur, eventually leading to agoraphobia.

2. Traumatic Experiences

Traumatic events such as physical or emotional abuse, the sudden loss of a loved one, or a distressing accident can act as triggers for agoraphobia. These experiences can leave a lasting impact, causing people to develop a heightened fear of feeling vulnerable or unsafe in public spaces.

3. Environmental Factors

Growing up in an overly protective or anxious household may also contribute to the development of agoraphobia. When a child is consistently taught to avoid risky situations or is shielded from the outside world, they may develop an exaggerated sense of danger in environments they perceive as uncontrolled.

4. Genetic Predisposition

Genetics can play a role in developing agoraphobia. If a family member has an anxiety disorder, the chances of inheriting a predisposition for anxiety, including agoraphobia, may be higher.

5. Underlying Mental Health Conditions

Depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and other phobias are often linked with agoraphobia. Individuals with these mental health conditions may be more susceptible to developing agoraphobia due to an overall higher level of anxiety and fear.

Symptoms of Agoraphobia

The symptoms of agoraphobia often manifest both physically and emotionally. People with agoraphobia may experience:

Physical Symptoms: Rapid heart rate, sweating, trembling, nausea, difficulty breathing, dizziness, and chest pain are common physical reactions when exposed to a feared situation.
Psychological Symptoms: Extreme fear of losing control, being embarrassed in public, feeling trapped, or anticipating disaster.
Behavioral Symptoms: Avoiding certain places or situations, relying on someone to accompany them everywhere, and staying indoors for extended periods.

The symptoms can be debilitating, causing significant disruptions to personal and professional life.

Treatment and Cure for Agoraphobia

Agoraphobia is treatable with the right combination of therapies and, in some cases, medication. Here are the most effective treatment approaches:

1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT is one of the most effective treatments for agoraphobia. This type of therapy focuses on identifying and challenging the negative thought patterns that lead to anxiety. CBT helps individuals understand that their fears are often irrational and guides them to gradually face their fears in a controlled, safe way. Exposure therapy, a subset of CBT, encourages patients to confront feared situations in small steps, reducing their anxiety over time.

2. Medication

Medications such as antidepressants (SSRIs like fluoxetine or sertraline) or anti-anxiety medications (benzodiazepines) may be prescribed to manage the symptoms of agoraphobia. These medications help by balancing brain chemicals responsible for mood and anxiety, but they are most effective when combined with therapy.
Beta-blockers are sometimes used to help manage the physical symptoms of panic, such as rapid heart rate and shaking, during feared situations.

3. Relaxation Techniques

Learning relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and mindfulness can help reduce anxiety symptoms. These techniques allow individuals to remain calm in situations that would normally provoke fear.

4. Support Groups and Counseling

Joining a support group or engaging in group therapy can provide a sense of community and shared understanding. Group members can encourage each other and share coping mechanisms that have worked in similar situations. Counseling also offers a safe space for individuals to discuss their fears and challenges with a trained professional.

5. Self-Help Strategies

Alongside professional treatment, there are self-help strategies that individuals can adopt. These include maintaining a healthy lifestyle with regular exercise, a balanced diet, and sufficient sleep to help regulate stress and anxiety levels. Practicing gradual exposure to feared situations can also promote independence and resilience.

Conclusion

Agoraphobia is a debilitating condition that can severely impact the quality of life, but it is not insurmountable. Understanding the causes—whether they stem from panic disorder, genetics, or environmental factors—can aid in seeking appropriate treatment. With cognitive behavioral therapy, medication, relaxation techniques, and support from others, individuals with agoraphobia can regain control over their lives and overcome the limitations imposed by their fear.

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Do you find it difficult to say how you feel?

January 1, 2019 by growthifymebj

If a lack of assertiveness is keeping you awake at night, help is at hand. You can escape the anger, depression and anxiety it causes with the skills to stand up for yourself, comfortably and calmly.

As part of our ‘New Year Kickstart’ offer, 10 Steps to Absolute Assertiveness Hypnosis Course is discounted until January 31st 2019

“Just stand up for yourself!” Have you heard that a million times before?

It’s what your well-meaning friends tell you when you complain about the workplace bully or the cruel remarks of a nagging relative. Or what you tell yourself when you lie awake at night.

The problem is, they don’t know what it’s like to not be assertive.

That constant mix of anxiety and anger

The stomach-twisting fear just thinking about any potential confrontation.

The bottled-up rage at others for openly manipulating you.

And the fury at yourself for not putting a stop to it.

Other people might think ‘not being assertive’ doesn’t sound like a big deal.

Who cares if you’re shy, or care a lot about people’s feelings? That’s not the end of the world, they might think. It means you’re a nice person, just a bit meek.

That’s because people who are assertive don’t quite realise how hopeless it feels when you can’t stand up for yourself.

Does Miranda’s story sound familiar?

‘No other 33 year old feels like a child all the time!’ Miranda thinks crossly to herself, during another sleepless night of worrying.

Miranda’s parents had short tempers, and they spent most of her childhood dealing with their own problems, not raising her.

Miranda learnt that the quieter she was, the happier things were at home. She used the same technique at school, and that kept the bullies away – somewhat.

As she’s grown older she’s more at peace with her childhood, but keeping quiet and not saying how she really feels has become a deeply entrenched habit.

A damaging habit which is badly affecting everything in her life.

Take work for instance. She manages to get jobs easily – Miranda’s a warm and friendly person and her work speaks for itself.

But she leaves every job after a few years because she gets taken advantage of, or downright bullied, every time.

It’s like bullies can detect her a mile away. Within only a few months, at each new job, she goes back to feeling manipulated and hurt all over again.

Passive-aggressive? Or just scared of confrontation?

Her relationships have been the same. She’s had quite a few long term boyfriends but they always end the same way – with her partner telling her he can’t stand being with someone so passive-aggressive.

Miranda doesn’t want to be passive aggressive – she wants to be direct and honest when something annoys her, instead of worrying that no one will like her if she says something critical. But just the thought of confronting someone makes her feel sick with fear.

If she could confront anyone, it would be her Aunt Judy. She probably has good intentions, but she’s always telling Miranda what to do! What clothes to wear, where to go on holiday, who to date.

She feels like a teenager whenever Aunt Judy’s around, but unlike a teenager she never rebels. She does what she’s told, knowing it’ll buy her a few minutes of happiness before the maddening ‘suggestions’ start up again.

Miranda spends hours lying awake thinking about the way people have treated her, bubbling with anger at them and herself. Sometimes she imagines telling them off, but then her emotions switch to panic and her heart races – just at the idea of it!

Those two emotions – anger and anxiety – seem to take up most of her life.

‘I wish I could be like Claire!’ Miranda sometimes thinks.

Her best friend is warm, friendly and hard-working too but she can stand up for herself. It’s not that Claire yells at people but there’s something very no-nonsense about her. Aunt Judy has never told Claire what to do!

Salesmen never get too pushy with her. And because of her assertiveness Claire seems so much happier. Growing up Claire always had nice boyfriends, and she and her husband seem to really love and respect each other.

Claire’s a manager now and has had to fire people before. She doesn’t like it, but she’ll do it if need be. Miranda would never be able to fire someone. Her heart races at the very thought. She can’t tell a waiter her food is cold!

‘It’s too late though’, Miranda reflects. ‘Claire was born with good genes – her parents are really confident people. There’s no way I could ever become like her. I’ve been terrified of confrontation all my life. I’m a magnet to bullies and that’s never going to change.’

Could lack of assertiveness be negatively affecting a lot of your life?

We get emails every week from people like Miranda. Many of them have struggled with a lack of assertiveness for as long as they can remember, and it’s affecting every part of their lives – work, friendships, relationships.

Being able to voice your opinion and stand up for yourself when need be sends off signals to manipulative people (interfering relatives, workplace bullies, pushy sales people) that you won’t be coerced into anything.

There’s a cliche that assertive people are belligerent and opinionated, yelling when angry and totally unapproachable. But that’s not what assertiveness really is. Those people are just plain rude!

Being assertive is not about being rude…

Being assertive is not about yelling at people.
Being assertive is not about losing control and letting anger out.
Being assertive is not about being unapproachable.
Being assertive isn’t assuming everyone in the world is out to get you.
Being assertive doesn’t mean you don’t care at all what others think of you.
Being assertive doesn’t mean you always get your own way.

The snake that learnt to hiss

The snake was vicious, snarling, and dangerous. He terrified the villagers, biting the children and scaring all the adults. But sometimes he felt lonely and craved companionship.

One day, a wise man wandered into the village. He clearly saw the chaos the snake’s actions had brought.

Because this is a story and he was wise, he could speak to the snake and, on gaining the reprobate’s trust, said, “Listen up, snake. You’re not only making the people here unhappy, but you yourself are clearly miserable. Practice some kindness and gentleness to improve the lot of everyone here, including you.” And so the wise man went on his way.

Years later, the wise one happened to pass again through that same village. To his surprise, he saw an inert, passive plaything being kicked by the children. He realized that this was, in fact, none other than the formally aggressive serpent he’d had words with years before. The snake managed to free himself from his tormentors and slide up to the man.

“Your advice was disastrous!” he hissed faintly. “Practicing gentleness has brought me complete misery! Now I’m used as a toy, laughed at, and taken for granted. I was better off before!”

The old man replied, “You took my advice too literally and without reflection. I said that you shouldn’t bite… but I didn’t say you should never hiss!”

Assertiveness is a muscle you flex occasionally

A truly assertive person is polite and kind to their colleagues, but when one starts to take advantage of them, they’ll calmly put a stop to it.
A truly assertive person is a good friend, but if they are treated badly they’ll let their friend know how hurt they are.
An assertive person feels comfortable test-driving a car, or trying on an outfit and telling the sales person it’s not right.
An assertive person gives everyone the benefit of the doubt, but won’t give too many chances.
An assertive person has an aura about them that shows they won’t be pushed around.

And best of all, assertive people are genuinely liked and respected

If you think about your own friends, you’ll realise that the opinion of an assertive friend means more to you.

Fundamentally, people know that assertive-avoidant people have problems being honest with them on touchy topics. And assertive people are assertive about good things too – they’re happy to give praise and positive feedback.

Assertiveness is a skill and like any skill it can be taught so it becomes an innate part of you. Like learning to drive, or speaking a language; you can learn it and make it a habit. Certainly some people learn it in childhood but adults can become assertive at any age.

It’s a simple matter of changing your emotions around assertiveness, and learning some good communication skills.

That’s where our approach differs from a lot of other courses.

Why focus on calming the emotions behind assertiveness?

Well, it’s because if you are very calm about the thought of being assertive, then the battle is nearly won.

It’s so much easier to refuse to do something when you aren’t gripped with anxiety the other person won’t like you.

It’s so much easier to stand your ground when you aren’t trembling with fear.

And it’s impossible to give off that aura of confidence and assertiveness if at heart you aren’t.

Hypnosis is a natural and fast way of changing your emotions about assertiveness

Hypnosis changes the way your unconscious mind reacts to situations, or imagined situations. It gently and naturally easies your fears about confrontation and anxiety over not being liked so that being assertive becomes a natural part of your personality.

In this 10-step program we use hypnosis (as well as exercises and practice) to make you feel confident and calm about confrontation.

If you don’t take care of the emotional aspect of assertiveness, then all the techniques in the world won’t help (and we have some useful techniques for you too!)

What this 10 Steps to Absolute Assertiveness Course will do for you

Each step on this course tackles one important part of assertiveness in detail, with lots of thought-provoking information and tried and tested exercises to help you get an understanding of how your own thought processes and reactions have been shaped and what you can, practically, do about it.

And to ensure these new perspectives sink in, each step includes a carefully selected audio hypnosis section to help you more easily absorb and integrate new behavior patterns and helpful mental attitudes that will benefit every aspect of your life.

You can relax and absorb the material -over time making it naturally yours, just like you learnt to speak your mother tongue fluently without even realizing it. All of our scripts are written by our team of four highly experienced hypnotherapists.

There’s also some good advice on effective communication, so once your fear of being assertive is gone, you can learn the most effective ways of discussing tricky issues and confronting people.

What are the 10 Steps to Absolute Assertiveness?

1) Setting Boundaries

Change your attitude to personal boundaries and start to establish healthy relationships by making it clear to yourself and others where you stand.

2) Saying No

Develop a new approach on how to refuse, polite but firm and avoiding the emotional turmoil and stress of automatically saying yes.

3) Assertiveness Training

Stand your ground and express your truth confidently, when this is the appropriate thing for you to do. Start voicing your views and stop bottling up your true feelings.

4) Fear of Authority

Learn to relax and be confident with people in positions of power or authority. Reframe your image of people in power to those of people to respect (unless they cross a line) not people to fear.

5) Overcome an Inferiority Complex

Break the habit of feeling inferior to others and stop worrying what others think of you. Overcoming your inferiority complex is a massive leap towards self-respect.

6) Overcome Fear of Confrontation

You know you need to shift your fear of conflict and confrontation, and will-power alone isn’t going to cut it. Create a new blueprint of inner strength and clarity, where the old fears melt away and you are more ready to face life, no matter what it throws at you, facing conflict or confrontation calmly and in control.

7) No More Mr Nice Guy

Start deciding just how nice you want to be instead of defaulting to being ‘nice’ in every situation. When you are prepared to go against the flow sometimes and hold your position, other people begin to appreciate and respect you more.

8) Express Your Opinion

Leave the frustration and powerlessness of not expressing your opinion behind and start being better understood and appreciated as people listen to what you have to say.

9) Stand Up For Yourself

It’s time to stop feeling invisible. Develop the inner strength to be more honest with yourself and others by standing up for yourself in a calm, firm and respectful way.

10) Express Your Emotions

Being cut-off from your emotions or controlling them so tightly you can’t laugh, cry, dream or be angry leads to a lonely, flat, lifeless life. Deep relaxation combined with hypnotic suggestions allow you to be more at ease with yourself and ready to discover a whole new world of feeling.

This is what you get…

10 carefully crafted hypnosis downloads, written by our team of four highly experienced hypnotherapists. You instantly get access to these downloads and can listen to them whenever suits you.
A 134 page eBook which guides you through the ten steps, talking you through why these feelings occur and how they can be changed. It’s written and illustrated by our own Mark Tyrrell and best of all it’s 100% psychobabble-free. It only contains practical, easy-to-follow advice and his,… er, unique cartoons.
Progress checkers at the end of each step. The Progress Checker makes a number of statements on the topic covered in that step, and asks you to indicate how true these statements are when applied to you, giving you a clear and simple way to monitor your progress.

BONUS – Free extra download – Keep a Calm Cool Head in Stressful Situations

Keeping a cool calm head in stressful situations is tough.

It’s not easy to stay calm in stressful situations. It’s so easy to get flustered, to try and flee the situation, to have an emotional outburst.

And of course if you suffer from a lack of assertiveness, you’ll know that any situation involving confrontation is espcially stressful for you.

When your boss calls you in for a meeting, when your friend asks if you’ve offended them, when you’re about to confront an out-of-line colleauge … your emotions go into overdrive.

You start to panic. At the prospect of being assertive you feel sweaty and flushed, your mind gets jumbled, adrenlin starts to flow.

You feel desperate to go and hide, to somehow get out of the situation.

You don’t – or can’t – say what you really mean because your mind’s a mess.

Well that’s why we’ve decided to make Keep a Calm Cool Head in Stressful Situations free for everyone who buys 10 Steps to Absolute Assertiveness.

It’s such an essential part of fair firm assertiveness that we’ve decided to give it away for free as a bouns. It will help make you even more calm about the prospect of standing up for yourself, whatever the situation.

Stop feeling invisible with our brand new course

I went to a jewellers last week with my girlfriend. The salesman was very pushy, yet friendly and we bought a necklace.

However, having left the shop my girlfriend said she didn’t really like the necklace! I said, OK, I’ll take it back and get my money back.

So I went back, and the salesman was rude and abusive, but I remained calm, not angry, and I used the ‘broken record’ technique, and eventually got my money back. The salesman was angry and upset, but I felt calm and in control!

I’d recommend these downloads to anyone, they work almost subliminally, and they’re so easy to use!

Mike Reynolds from London, UK *

Feeling a bit apprehensive about buying from an online hypnosis company?

It’s a problem we’ve struck before. Thanks to stage hypnotists, hypnosis has a tarnished reputation, but as experienced hypnotherapist trainers in business since 1998, we’re on a mission to show the enormous benefits of hypnotherapy.

In the meantime, we hope our full refund gives you peace of mind. We give a full refund on all our products (including 10 Steps to Absolute Assertiveness) within three months of the purchase date. Just send us an email, let us know it hasn’t worked for you, and we’ll refund you, no questions asked.

Uncover what you’re really capable of

How much better will you feel on a daily basis when you can say how you feel?

How much will your relationships improve when you’re able to be honest with people?

What will you achieve when anger and anxiety isn’t eating you up all the time?

Assertiveness is a key life skill, absolutely necessary for you to feel happy in every facet of your life. Which is why a solid solution that tackles thoughts where they happen – the subconscious – is what’s needed to solve this problem for good. Get started on your path to honesty and happiness today; just download the course below and you’re on your way. Good luck!

I no longer get all anxious when speaking to my lawyer about my wife and her family. Quote end

I no longer go into panic mode when I am called in to work for an emergency or when I am the main subject of an engineers’ meeting.

I enjoy everything about your site and the information you have provided.

Tom Kelleher from Pennsylvania (USA) *

10 Steps to Absolute Assertiveness Hypnosis Course has been purchased by 605 customers.

Why you can relax about buying from Hypnosis Downloads…

Please put your mind at rest – every hypnosis download is crafted by our team of 4 experienced hypnotherapists, so you are getting the very best self hypnosis available. With over 24,000 people trained and more than 600,000 mp3 audios purchased, we are the world’s largest hypnosis provider. However, we realize that not all downloads work equally well for everybody, so if you find this doesn’t do what you wanted, simply let us know within 90 days and we will refund you in full, no questions asked (One order per customer).

10 Steps to Absolute Assertiveness Hypnosis Course

$99.00

Why we’re different to other self hypnosis programs:

Our therapist team

		Our four professional hypnotherapistswork on every download.

We’re experienced and dedicated therapist trainers

Uncommon Knowledge was formed in 1995, and since then we’ve trained over 24,000 people at face-to-face events. We’ve served over 600,000 hypnosis downloads and treated more than 5,000 patients in 1:1 therapy.

We have a vibrant and friendly global community

With more than 300,000 customers and 30,000 fans of our Facebook page, we are proud to serve people from countries as far afield as New Zealand, India, South Africa, as well as Europe, the US and Canada. (And our shipping is free worldwide, did you know?)

Our customer support is second to none

Kirstin, our support manager, is a legend among our customers. She heads up a small support team who are dedicated to making your experience with Uncommon Knowledge a lovely, and hopefully long one.

* Results may vary from person to person. This is why we provide a no-questions asked 90-day guarantee to ensure you feel comfortable trying our downloads out. We believe they are the best available, and hope you will too.