Shyness
really is a combination of social anxiety and social conditioning. To overcome
shyness you need to learn to relax socially. This enables you to direct your
attention away from yourself and gives you the space to practice certain
conversational skills. In most cases, the heightened emotions of socializing
when young simply condition the sufferer to respond to social events with fear,
instead of excitement and pleasure.
really is a combination of social anxiety and social conditioning. To overcome
shyness you need to learn to relax socially. This enables you to direct your
attention away from yourself and gives you the space to practice certain
conversational skills. In most cases, the heightened emotions of socializing
when young simply condition the sufferer to respond to social events with fear,
instead of excitement and pleasure.
Relaxed
socializing is so pleasurable, not to say productive, but it is an advantage
denied to many until they learn to relax. To start reducing your own shyness, I
want you to absorb the following tips and ideas and start to put them into
practice:
socializing is so pleasurable, not to say productive, but it is an advantage
denied to many until they learn to relax. To start reducing your own shyness, I
want you to absorb the following tips and ideas and start to put them into
practice:
1) Think
about the way you feel and behave around familiar people you are comfortable
and spontaneous around. It’s that feeling transferred to new people and
situations that equates to your emerging social confidence.
about the way you feel and behave around familiar people you are comfortable
and spontaneous around. It’s that feeling transferred to new people and
situations that equates to your emerging social confidence.
2) Focus
your attention away from yourself. Sure, you can think a little bit about how
you are coming across, but if all your focus is on your own words and feelings
then you might as well be by yourself. Notice what other people are wearing and
make a mental note, listen to their conversation, imagine where they might
live, make a point of remembering names. Not only does this give you more to
talk about, it also ‘dilutes’ social anxiety leaving you feeling calmer.
your attention away from yourself. Sure, you can think a little bit about how
you are coming across, but if all your focus is on your own words and feelings
then you might as well be by yourself. Notice what other people are wearing and
make a mental note, listen to their conversation, imagine where they might
live, make a point of remembering names. Not only does this give you more to
talk about, it also ‘dilutes’ social anxiety leaving you feeling calmer.
3) Ask
people open questions. Many people like to talk about themselves and will find
you interesting if you find them interesting. Ask questions that require more
than a ‘yes’/’no’ response such as ‘What do you like about this place?’ rather
than: ‘Do you like this place?’ Once they’ve answered use ‘add-on’ questions
connected to the first such as: ‘What other places do you like in this city.?’
Next you can express your views. This is a great way to get the conversation
going. If the conversation doesn’t ‘take’ then no matter, you’ve done your bit.
people open questions. Many people like to talk about themselves and will find
you interesting if you find them interesting. Ask questions that require more
than a ‘yes’/’no’ response such as ‘What do you like about this place?’ rather
than: ‘Do you like this place?’ Once they’ve answered use ‘add-on’ questions
connected to the first such as: ‘What other places do you like in this city.?’
Next you can express your views. This is a great way to get the conversation
going. If the conversation doesn’t ‘take’ then no matter, you’ve done your bit.
4) Stop
trusting your imagination so much! Have you ever had an imaginary picture in
your mind of a holiday destination only to arrive and find the reality is
different from the way you had imagined? That’s how reliable imagination is.
Stop imagining what others think. I do lots of public speaking and I’ve long
since stopped trying to second guess what others think of me – it’s just too
painful. Besides, what a person thinks about you has a lot more to do with who
they are than who you are.
trusting your imagination so much! Have you ever had an imaginary picture in
your mind of a holiday destination only to arrive and find the reality is
different from the way you had imagined? That’s how reliable imagination is.
Stop imagining what others think. I do lots of public speaking and I’ve long
since stopped trying to second guess what others think of me – it’s just too
painful. Besides, what a person thinks about you has a lot more to do with who
they are than who you are.
5) Stop
using ‘all or nothing’ thinking. The ‘completely this/completely that’ style of
thought occurs when you are emotional. People who are depressed, angry or
anxious see reality in terms of differing extremes, simplistic all or nothing
terms. An angry person is ‘right’ and you are ‘wrong’; the depressed person
feels like a ‘failure’ while others are a ‘success’. In reality, life is
composed of infinite gray areas. So stop fearing that you might say the ‘wrong’
thing! Or that people will ‘hate’ you. Once you start to relax more socially
you’ll notice much less black or white thinking because anxiety actually causes
you to think in all or nothing terms.
using ‘all or nothing’ thinking. The ‘completely this/completely that’ style of
thought occurs when you are emotional. People who are depressed, angry or
anxious see reality in terms of differing extremes, simplistic all or nothing
terms. An angry person is ‘right’ and you are ‘wrong’; the depressed person
feels like a ‘failure’ while others are a ‘success’. In reality, life is
composed of infinite gray areas. So stop fearing that you might say the ‘wrong’
thing! Or that people will ‘hate’ you. Once you start to relax more socially
you’ll notice much less black or white thinking because anxiety actually causes
you to think in all or nothing terms.
6) Take
your time. You don’t have to blurt things out. Ask questions and if questions
are asked of you can take time to consider your response (within reason). Don’t
just blurt out what you think might be the ‘right’ answer. A slow answer is a
relaxed answer.
your time. You don’t have to blurt things out. Ask questions and if questions
are asked of you can take time to consider your response (within reason). Don’t
just blurt out what you think might be the ‘right’ answer. A slow answer is a
relaxed answer.
7) Finally,
use hypnotic rehearsal. Hypnosis is the quickest way to change your
instinctive/emotional response to any situation. Only think about meeting
others when your mind and body is relaxed. This conditions you to associate
relaxation with being around new people. In fact you’ll find that when you
relax deeply enough often enough whilst hypnotically rehearsing being
comfortable around others you’ll reach the point where you just can’t be shy
any more! This is what I call a ‘happy inability!’
use hypnotic rehearsal. Hypnosis is the quickest way to change your
instinctive/emotional response to any situation. Only think about meeting
others when your mind and body is relaxed. This conditions you to associate
relaxation with being around new people. In fact you’ll find that when you
relax deeply enough often enough whilst hypnotically rehearsing being
comfortable around others you’ll reach the point where you just can’t be shy
any more! This is what I call a ‘happy inability!’
I
now love meeting new people and suspect that my current social confidence would
be unrecognizable to my fifteen year old self.
now love meeting new people and suspect that my current social confidence would
be unrecognizable to my fifteen year old self.
Overcome shyness now at
HypnosisDownloads.com
HypnosisDownloads.com
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